CariBear's Forest Of Feelings

2003-03-19T23:46:00.000-08:00

This sucks

2003-02-09T21:49:00.000-08:00

For once I have something to tell you all. I was in an accident tonight. Yeah, you heard me right. My poor car has a big ol scratch mark and dent in her drivers side. Warren and I were comming home from dinner when this younge girl pulled out of the Sonic parking lot. Not paying attention she pulled into the far right hand line where we were driving and hit on Warren's side. Scared the piss out of me, almost litterally. I had to pee so bad. SO we pull over and the girl starts to cry. " Oh, my Mom and Dad are going to kill me. " Blah blah blah! God damn cock sucking piece of shit. My car is damaged. We told her we had to call the cops to file a report, she didn't want to but we did. The cop gets there takes the report and sends us on our way. The damn drivers side door won't hardly open now and both doors on that side are going to have to be replaced. It is going to cost a good 3 grand to have it fixed. I hope to hell the girl has insurance. They do things weird here you don't take their info the cop does and three days later they send you something of the report to turn into the insurance company. When the damn little bitch hit my car I hit the back of the seat pretty hard and it kinda hurt at first but I didn't think it was anything. Now my neck and right arm are hurting like a bitch and I think I might have pinched something. I told Warren when they hit us my neck kinda hurt but I thought that it was just cause I hit the seat, now I come to find out I should have told the cop and they should have called an ambulence to look at me. I guess if it doesn't get any better by tomorrow night I will make an appointment for Tuesday. There went any spare money I had. Considering I don't have insurance and to go to the emergency will cost a good 100.00 or more. Yippie can't wait to be dirt poor again with no damn money. Well one thing is good this pay check was a little more then normal it went to our splurge for the month, FOOD! Yeah I know selfish me wanting to eat and all. Anyways, that was my interesting night. I am going to go and take some tylenol. I have the phone company tio argue with and the damn credit card place. You know the fun stuff of being an adult. I WANT TO MOVE TO COLORADO ALREADY, GOD DAMN PIECE OF SHIT. I GUESS I BETTER START LOOKING FOR A JOB IN GREELEY.Ok well night night all. Gomer or Mom whomever gets this first, call me when you can. I work from 3 till close on Monday tomorrow. 9 till 2 on Tuesday and Wednsday. Off on Thursday. Then 2 till close on Friday and 1 till close on Saturday. Love you guys bunches.
MUAH!! <3

2003-01-22T21:36:00.000-08:00

I know it has been forever. I just never ever seem to have anything to say anymore. I know my life is boring and what can I say thats just me.

I talked to Gomer tonight and for some reason talking to her always makes me feel so much better. Then I get online and I just got done reading her blog, for some reason reading hers makes me feel somewhat better. It is like I am not the only one in the world that has problems. I know that she has a lot to deal with here lately and that she is dealing with it alone. Kinda like what I am going through. I never ever realized how much I depended on her when I lived at home. She was like my out let to everything that was going wrong and to everything that was going right. She is my walking diary. As crazy as it sounds it is true. I think that there is not one day in my life that she doesn't have some kinda memory of. I think I have the same for her. I can remember almost every convo we have ever shared. Most of our convos took place on the edge of my bed or in her room. I guess I took a lot of things for granted when I lived at home.

Here lately more and more I am realizing what makes me in happy in life and what things I can do without. I know that when I am home I am happy. But when I am here I am sad. I know that when I am just in Greeley I am happy. Being here I have grown up a lot and I have realized a lot about myself. I have had come face to face with myself on a daily basis and sometimes I don't always like what I see. I working hard at trying to change that. am not just talking about the outside either. I am talking about the inside. I realized how shallow I can be and how much of a push over I can be. I know that since moving here I have become a stronger person and come to realize who my real friends are.

I know that this is more then likely no sence and is just rambling but these are things that I have needed to get off my chest. Things that I have been thinking about for a while and just haven't had the heart to say. Here the last week or so lots has been going on with my life and it has been really hard for me to deal with. I have had money problems, relationship problems and life problems all in one. I have had a lot on my plate and have found it really hard to swallow it all. I have been doubting getting married and whether or not what I have found if true love. I have come to the conclusion that once I move back to Greeley things will be much better. I need to get out of this damn town and go back to my smelly cow town. As crazy as it sounds I miss the smell. I miss the way it smells when it is warm outside, like a combination or wild flowers and corn plants. I know that sounds just awful but it is the smell of home. Or the way my Mom smells when she puts on too much perfume. Or how Grampa smells of old spice and tabacco. Stupid things like that I miss so much. Or even going into Lisa's room first thing in the morning and jumping on her bed to make her wake up. Or just going into her room and asking her whats shes doing. Even though I know ten times out of ten it's nothing. Just bugging her was always fun. I know now I am just rambling and I better be getting to bed. MUAH!!! <3

2002-12-21T19:39:00.000-08:00

I have so much I should be doing right now aside from blogging. I talked to Mom and Lisa today, I can't wait to see them. I have to pack everything and start getting the house cleaned up. While we are away in Colorado we are getting new furniture moved in and a new heater installed. We are going to come home to a brand new house pretty much. I am want so badly to be home right now. I have been trying to convince Warren all day to leave a day early but he won't let me. He is being a bad boyfriend and making me go to work on Monday. :o( Oh well I guess it will be soon enough that I will be home. YIPPIE!!! I am so way excited. I can't say it enough. Ok off to do some house work. MUAH! <3

2002-12-20T21:32:00.000-08:00

Lets see 2 days and I will be back in good ol' smelly cow town Greeley Colorado. I am so excited I think that I might pee a little. Huh Lisa? But yeah. I went to work today and it was boring as all get out. I think I did nothing for 6 out of the 7 hours I was there. I need to find a new job. I need more money. I want to move back to Greeley. But yeah. Anways, I have been getting ready to go and have kinda started packing. I know everything I have to take and let me tell you it is a lot of presents. Most of which are for Gomer. But she is the only sister I have so of course her ass is going to be spoiled rotten. I guess it is only fair since Warren spoils the hell out of me. Even though sometimes I don't deserve it. I know that once we get back from vacation we are going to exchange gifts with one another. He needs a new gun holster for work I want a diamond tennis bracelet. But we have to wait until we get back. I want to just drop everything and drive to Colorado right now. But Warren has to drive with me. My sence of direction sucks ass. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you. He is working killer hours this weekend and I am hating it. I have to sleep alone. :o( But anyways, I must go now and get some sleep. I have to get up when Warren gets home from work. Then he gets to sleep all day and do it all over again. Ok night night all. MUAH! <3

2002-12-16T19:01:00.000-08:00

OK 6 days and I will be home. Lets just hope that the weather stays nice for my loverly drive. I can't wait, I am like a little kid the night before the first day of school. I can't sleep at night and when I fall asleep I wake up every hour to see what time it is. Yes I know I am a huge GOMER!! Like someone I know. Ok well not much else to talk about. Night night all. See why I never blog my life is boring. MUAH! <3

2002-12-08T21:25:00.000-08:00

I am getting so excited about going home for Christmas you have no idea. Vi is finally talking to us which is a good thing, I think.

I just got my Christmas tree up but all I got on are the lights. And wouldn't you know it. I get all the damn lights up and one set blinks. Well crap. I am way to tired and what not to take them all down to find the one darn bulb that blinks. I guess it gives me something to do tomorrow. Lets see other things on my list of things to do tomorrow..

Clean Kitchen
Clean Bathroom
Put bulbs on tree
Return some things I bought that aren't going to work
Get some material to make Charlie a blanket
Buy some Sharpies
Clean living room up from all the wrapping I did today

Lets see what else happened to me today. I talked to Mom, Gramma and Mike on the phone today. I haven't talked to Mike in I don't know how long. As I was getting out of the shower today he called. At first I didn't know who it was, then I realized. I was so suprised. It turns out that he gets to Colorado for Christmas the same time I leave. Well shit. If I could only stay one more week. I would love to see him again. I think it has been a good 2 years since I seen him last. Talk about a long time. Well for me anyways. It is so damn hot in my apartment right now. We had the heater turned on and shit is it hot. The damn thing I think is so darn old that the knob thing doesn't even work. I guess that is what I get for moving into an old apartment.

I would give anything to be able to move back to Colorado. I want to be able to go over to my Gramma's whenever I want. And be able to call my Mom whenever I want. Kinda like how it is now but better. Ok well I think I am heading off to bed. Night Night all. MUAH! <3

2002-12-04T20:36:00.000-08:00

Ok it has been a few days and I finally got a little bit of Christmas shopping done. Yes my cheap ass got some shit done for once. I am so looking forward to comming home.

Warren's Mom pisses me off though. Warren calls and tells her that he is going to be with me and go to Colorado with me this Christmas. She fucking flips out talking about how it would be different if we were married. I don't think it makes any fucking difference. Married or not, its a damn piece of paper. I want Warren to get achance to get to know my family better. And hell this will be the first time in like 10 years where everyone will be together. Hell Warren has only met 4 people in my family. But her stupid ass doesn't see it that way. All is fucking worried about is how much money we are going to spending and that Warren is not going to be there with his family. Well hell Warren is part of my family now. My parents want to get to know him, and I want him to get to know my grandparents he hasn't gotten a chance to meet yet. I want to wake up Christmas morning and see Warren's face next to mine. I love him so much and I want more then anything to be with him. Ok I am mad now. Well I was really mad the other night. I thought that I was going to kill someone. I kinda felt like Gomer did the other day.

I want to be home so bad it is not even funny. I just wish it was Warren and I moving home for good. You know never turning back kinda thing. Starting our lives where they should be. Starting off happy and making our own decsions. You know what I mean?

Well in other news starting next week I am going to start in Fabrics. Yeah you heard me right I am going to be asking fun filled questions like... " How much would you like? " and award winners like... " Is there anything else that I can get for you? " Yep it is going to fun filled days, just me and my fabric. The bad thing is I work from like 2 till closing. Which means less time spent with Warren. :o( That makes me sad. He leaves early in the morning and I leave late in the afternoon. That is the only thing that is going to really suck.

Ok enough about me I better be going. I have to get some sleep. I don't work tomorrow and guess what I am doing all day long? Yeah you got it. Getting my much needed sleep. Bye bye and miss you and love you. You know how you are! MUAH! <3

2002-11-28T18:52:00.000-08:00

Happy Turkey Day!!! I went and did the normal thing like eat dinner and what not. It was fun but full of stress. It is like no one is Warren's family knows how to watch there kids. I think I said the word "No" a million and a half times today. "No get down from there." "No don't do that." WATCH YOUR DAMN KIDS PEOPLE!! IT IS NOT THAT DAMN HARD!! I swear if and when I one day have kids I am not going to be like that. Pawn my kids off onto people and let them take care of them. I am going to be the one that raises my kids and not have my kids refer to Gramma and Mama.

I tried to call my Dad today but work wasn't open. So I tryed calling his house. I talked to him for about 5 minutes and then he told me he had to go. It was like he didn't want to make the time for me. Or just didn't want to talk to me. I swear one of these days I am just going to give up. You know I can look at other people and say " wish I had that kind of relationship with my father." But then again if I did would I be the same person that I am? Or would I be like Warren's sister? " Daddy!" "Daddy can I get this?" ( and then bats eyes ) I don't know it makes me sick to see people like that, like it is some kind of wrong but yet I wish it was me. I don't know maybe it is just me. I mean I have a Mom that loves me more then life itself and Grandparents that I know would do anything for me. But yet somehow I feel like there should be something else in my life and someone else should be included. I guess it is just jealousy at everyone else that actually has relationships with there fathers. I guess I should just give up but you know I would like my one day family to know where they came from and where I came from.

Like I don't even know anything about my Dad's side of the family I know Gramma Horn, Aunt Suzie, and Cousin Billy. But that is pretty much it. Gramma Horn isn't doing all that well and I would love to see her one more tiem before she dies. You know I blame myself sometimes for not having a good relationship with her but she has never really tried either. Then there is Aunt Suzie who ahs been married I don't know how many times. Then there is Cousin Billy, Aunt Suzie's son. He has been in and out of jail I don't know how many times and has had just as many kids, with different women, that Aunt Suzie has been married. My family at least on one side is fucked up. I hate to say it but it is.

Well better get going. Hope everyone had a great Turkey Day. I know mine was nice. Wish like no other I could have been home though. MUAH! <3

2002-11-25T18:23:00.000-08:00

Today was a long ass day for me. It seems like I got nothing done but yet I got a lot done. I went over and watched lil Austin for about 3 hours and let me tell you a 2 year old will wear you out. Then I went to the store to get the yams to make for Thanks Giving. Oh and by the way today and tomorrow are my Gramma and Grampa's Birthdays. I so wish I was home. I would love more then anything to give them a hug and kiss. I can't wait to be home for Christmas. I am getting so excited. The only bad thing is it is going to be at my Aunt's this year. She has a dinky ass house and to top it all off the other Grandparents are going to be there. It seems like Gramma Kaye never has anything nice to say. I am not looking forward to that. And I was really hoping that my Mom would be making dinner. She is such a good cook. I guess it just doesn't seem like Christmas if Mom is cooking. I dunno I guess I am just missing everything about home. Like the way you wake up early on Christmas morning to see what is in your stocking. Or how it smells with the turkey cooking early in the morning. I love that smell. Oh and then when everyone wakes up you wait for Gramma and Grampa to come over and then we all open presents. That was alway the best. I guess it is just going to have to be different this year without Gramma and Grampa there. I was hoping that it would be like it always was and Warren would get to see what my family is like on Christmas. I guess that is just going to have to wait for another year. I haven't been able to get into the Christmas mood this year. It seems like there is too much else to be thinking about and too much else to be spending money on. I mean don't get me wrong I love buying Christmas gifts and wathcing people's faces as they open them. I think that is the greatest part. I always in some way shape or form always wish that there was more I could do for people. Like I am not doing enough. I dunno maybe it is just me. I am counting down to come home. I just wish that I could stay longer. It is going to be weird without Mindy and Markie there this year. I think this will be the first year in a long time that we haven't been able to spend the day together. I don't have much more else to talk about. I will think of more later. MUAH! <3

2002-11-22T19:31:00.000-08:00

Boy am I tired, like crazy tired. I worked from 9 till 5 and didn't sleep very well last night. I am sick and have been running a fever. I turn like all red and stuff, looks like I am blushing. I came home and went to bed. Warren is at the gym and I should have gone with him. I need to go but I feel like crap. I have to kick my butt into shape.

I drove my car to work today. It felt so weird drving it. I haven't in about 2 weeks. I love my car. I think I am going to make Warren drive the other car from now on. Mine is just too cute not to have me drving it. Hehe!

Anyways better get going. MUAH!! <3

2002-11-20T18:19:00.000-08:00

I know it has been a while since I blogged about anything. I haven't had a whole lot to talk about. Lets see what has happened to me in the last two weeks.

Phone was shut off. Damn phone company doesn't know what the hell they are doing.
Working like crazy.
Getting the yuckie car tagged and plated.
House work.
Laundry.
Talking on the phone with Gomer.
Sleeping.
Taking Nyquil.
Trying to buy Christmas gifts.

I think that is about it. I have got a lot of my Christmas shopping done. Well a good majority of it. I am making a lot of gifts this year. I really can't afford to do otherwise. I am missing home like crazy and can't wait to get back to Colorado for Christmas. The way Gomer talks everyone is going to be there. Like Charlie's parents and everything. The only bad thing is that Gramma and Grampa aren't going to be there. I was really hoping they would be. I miss them so much and I can't wait to see them again. I miss my cute Grampa and Gramma. I so want to be like them when I get older.

Another thing I have been thinking a lot about is getting married. The more I think about it the more I want to and the more I don't. I mean I love Warren and would do anything for him, but on the other hand I don't kow if I am ready to be tied down for the rest of my life. I guess I am just going to have to think more about it. Warren really doesn't care either way what happens. Lets see what else can I talk about.

Nothing I can think of right now. I will talk to you all laters. MUAH!! <3

2002-11-03T18:20:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day. Sad though. Today is my Mom's Birthday. Still 29. Damn looks good for her age too. So lets she would have been like 8 when she had me. Is that possible? Hmmm. I guess anything is now a days. I miss her so much and I can't wait until I can see her in Decemeber. So anyways, Happy Birthday Mom!!! I love you bunches. MUAH! <3

2002-11-01T21:57:00.000-08:00

I went to my interview today and they told me they will take me whenever I am ready. Which is cool. I have another interview on Wednsday and they pay more. So I am going to wait and see what they have to say. I would be working for the Disney Store taking telephone orders, which I think would be really cool. Plus on top of that I get a 35% discount. I mean can't beat that right? I am just so excited right now I can't even begin to tell you. I need money so bad right now its not even funny.

Lets see what else can I share? Oh, well Warren's sister got a new car and got raked over the coals for it. Or at least I think. She traded in a car that would have been payed off in a year. I mean how dumb was that? I would have kept it, then no more payments and more money in the pocket. But she went and bought a Jeep Liberty. It is pretty and all but not something that I would buy. Looks too much like the Jeep that Warren had when I met him. Plus it is real small on the inside. I didn't like that about it. The color is real cool it is like Adlantic Blue or something like that but never the less I think she got ripped off. Payed to much. It is this thing that is pretty much like a lease, it is hard to explain but yeah.

Um what else is new? Oh I might be cleaning Warren's aunt Lou's house for some extra cash which wouldn't be bad. I don't think that I have much more to say. MUAH! <3

P.S. Gomer is the shit!

2002-10-31T21:13:00.000-08:00

I know that I haven't blogged for a while but I haven't really done much of anything.

I have a job interveiw tomorrow so cross your fingers for me and hope I get it. I am so broke right now its not even funny.

I have been working on losing weight but I haven't seen any results yet, I guess it just takes time. I just want that time to be now. I want things to just happen now.

I can't wait for Christmas and then I will be home. I think Warren is going to come to Colorado for Chirstmas this year it would be our first one together. The last two years we have been apart.

Happy Halloween to all! I handed out candy to the few trick or treaters we had but that wasn't too many. It was just way to cold out, I think it was like 37 or something like that.

I miss everyone and home and I hope that Mindel is having fun in Texas. Miss you Mindel!

Well I need to get to bed and I will try and blog more, I have lots on my mind but it will just have to wait until I have time. MUAH! <3

2002-10-31T21:07:00.000-08:00

This was on Gomer's site so I thought that I would do it too.

// series one - as usual
-- Name: Cari
-- Birthdate: June 30th 1981
-- Birthplace: Orange County, California
-- Current Location: Kansas City, Kansas
-- Eye Color: Blue
-- Hair Color: Brown
-- Righty or Lefty: Righty
-- Zodiac Sign: Cancer
-- Innie or Outtie: Innie
// series two - describe
-- The shoes you wore today: Same ol' white shoes I always wear
-- Your hair: Long and in a pony tail, like always
-- Your eyes: inset
-- Your weakness?: Chocolate, and big soft cuddly men
-- Your fears: dying alone, spiders, snakes, people not ever knowing how I truely feel about them
-- Your perfect pizza: Canadian bacon and olives
-- One thing you'd like to achieve: One day having my own house and kids
// series three - what is
-- Your most overused phrase on aim: gomer
-- Your thoughts first waking up: " Do I really have to get up? "
-- The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: Eyes
-- Your best physical feature: Lips, Hair and Nails
-- Your bedtime: Whenever I want
-- Your greatest fear: Losing someone close to me
-- Your greatest accomplishment: Reccognition
-- Your most missed memory: Lisa, and car dancing
// series four - you prefer
-- Pepsi or coke: DR. PEPPER!
-- McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald's
-- Single or group dates: Single
-- Adidas or nike: Adidas
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton
-- Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee
-- Boxers or briefs: panties
// series five - do you
-- Smoke: No
-- Cuss: Hell No, What the fuck do I look like?
-- Sing well: Sometimes
-- Take a shower everyday: Of course
-- Have a crush(es): Not as many as I used to
-- who are they: famous people, Brendan Fraser baby!!!
-- Do you think you've been in love: Yes
-- Want to go to college: Yes, I want to finish
-- Like high school: It was ok
-- Want to get married: Yeah
-- Type with your fingers on the right keys: Kinda
-- Believe in yourself: Not always
-- Get motion sickness: Sometimes in cars, when I don't drive
-- Think you're attractive: Not so much anymore
-- Think you're a health freak: Heck No, should be though
-- Get along with your parents: One of them
-- Like thunderstorms: Yes
-- Play an instrument: Kinda
// series six - in the past month, did/have you
-- Drank alcohol: Yes
-- Smoke(d): Nope
-- Done a drug: Nope
-- Have Sex: No Comment
-- Made Out: Yes
-- Go on a date: Yeppers
-- Go to the mall?: Yeppers
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Nope
-- Been on stage: No
-- Been dumped: No
-- Gone skating: No
-- Made homemade cookies: Yeah
-- Been in love: Yeah
-- Gone skinny dipping: No
-- Dyed your hair: No
-- Stolen anything: Nope
// series seven - have you ever
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing?: Never
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yes
-- Been caught "doing something": No
-- Been called a tease: Yes
-- Gotten beaten up: No
-- Shoplifted: Yes
-- If so, did you get caught: No
-- Changed who you were to fit in: Oh hasen't?
// series eight - the future
-- Age you hope to be married: Before 30
-- Numbers and Names of Children: 2, Abigayle Marie, and Spencer Ashley
-- Descibe your Dream Wedding: Outside with lots of pink and white roses
-- How do you want to die: Happy
-- Where you want to go to college: Went and didn't finish
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: Dunno yet, Lisa's make up artist hehe!
-- What country would you most like to visit: Canada
// series nine - opposite sex
-- Best eye color? Blue
-- Best hair color? Brown
-- Short or long hair?: Short
-- Best height: Taller than me
-- Best weight: Doesn't matter
-- Best articles of clothing: Sexy shirts, but chest to match is nice
-- Best first date location: Movies
-- Best first kiss location: Outside under the stars
// series ten - number of
-- Number of girls I have kissed in my life: 0
-- Number of girls you have made out with: 0
-- Number of girlfriends you've had: 0
-- Number of boys I have kissed: 8
-- Number of boys you have made out with: 4
-- Number of boyfriends you've had: 1 that mattered
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: 1
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: 4
-- Number of CDs that I own: 200+
-- Number of piercings: None, I am extra hole free
-- Number of tattoos: 0
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: 1
-- Number of scars on my body: 9
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: A Lot

2002-10-12T21:00:00.000-07:00

You gomer, thanks though for whatever it is you fixed. I haven't done a lot of anything here lately. I did however today get some job applications. I need to start making money. I am broker then I don't know what. I am tired now and I have to get some sleep, lunch tomorrow with the family. MUAH! <3

2002-10-10T17:33:00.000-07:00

This is Lisa. I fixed something on the site. MUWAHAHAHA!

2002-10-08T21:23:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah I love you Gomer!!! I will call you tomorrow when you get home from school, like 8ish your time. MUAH! <3

2002-10-08T21:22:00.000-07:00

I cleaned most of the day today the place is looking good now. I am tired and have lots to do tomorrow though. I have to go and talk to the people at Target tomorrow and see what they have to say and then I am going to go to a few other places and see if I can get some applications. I need to make some money, I am broke. I hate not having money. I think I might go rob a bank, i wish it was that easy. I think I am going to head off to bed I have lots to do in the morning like wake up and all. MUAH! <3

2002-10-06T19:55:00.000-07:00

I had fun today, I woke up early or somewhat anyways and went to eat lunch with everyone after church. Then after that I went to JC Penny's outlet with Vi. They had a lot of cute stuff but nothing that said buy me. Then after that I went back to Vi's and Steph and I left to go to PayLess Shoes. We went there and ended up going to Wal-Mart, K Mart, Target, and the Dollar Store. I found some cute X Mas cards at the dollar store. I didn't find much of anything else. After that we went back to Steph's house and she made some yummy Mac and Cheese and we watched Little Rascles. It was fun. Then I came home and got on the computer and talked to my Mom for a little bit. I miss her and everyone else there bunches. Mom the most though. I think I am going to get off and go to bed now. Warren should be home soon from work, so night night all. MUAH! <3

2002-10-05T22:41:00.000-07:00

Ok Gomer I am updating my site just for you. I am happy to hear that Markie is back I just wish that I was there to see her. I went and saw Sweet Home Alabama tonight. OMG! It is great a must see. Then Stephanie came over here and we watched Care Bears the Movie. It is great have to love them Care Bears! But yeah that is about all that I did today. Warren went to Wrestling and had a fun time. I think that is it. I need to sometime go and buy calling cards. Love my Gomer! <3

2002-10-03T20:21:00.000-07:00

Well, I didn't do much of anything today except sleep in and get up late. Went over to Vi's house and did nothing there. Talked to Stephanie about some things that are going on with her at work and what not and thats about it. I am now sitting at home talking to somefriends online hoping that Gomer will get on. By the way Gomer, good job on your speech. Did you think about everyone naked? It never worked for me but you never know it might work for you. My problem was there were always hot guys in my class and thinking about them nakes made me turn more red. Well I think I am going to go and play on the net until Warren gets home. MUAH! <3

2002-10-02T19:42:00.000-07:00

I did a bunch of nothing today. I saw Tina's new baby and man is she the sweetest thing ever. I went and got some job applications today. I am hoping I will get a job soon. I haven't done a bunch of anything. Warren is going tog o to wrestling this weekend with his brother and his brothers friend. I think Stephanie and I might go see the movie Sweet Home Alabama. It looks good and I love Reece Witherspoon.

2002-09-30T18:35:00.000-07:00

I made it to Kansas in one piece and man was I tired I drove for what seemed like forever and then finally got here after dark. I still haven't unpacked everything. I had to clean and what not to make room for all of my stuff. I am still cleaning actually. But you know how boys are. Dirty. It is going to weird getting adjusted to things again and getting back into the swing of things. Getting used to people again. I think we might be getting another car so we have two to get back and forth to work in. Warren would take the other one and I would take my pretty one. It is his cousins and they are buying a new car and said that they would sell it to us for not all the much. Like 250 or something. But then it would just kinda make things easier. I don't know what we are going to do yet but we will have to wait and see. I am missing everyone at home like crazy but I guess I kinda knew that would happen. I think I am going to go and do more cleaning. I have lots to do before Warren gets home. MUAH! I love you Mom! <3

2002-09-25T22:01:00.000-07:00

Ok I just got done taking this quiz and there is what it had to say:

Your Inner Blonde is Britney Spears

"Whee! I'm a virgin. Look at my butt crack!"

If everyone were as dumb as you, you'd be able to pull that one off.

But, you do get props for being one of the richest women around!

Who's *Your* Inner Dumb Blonde? Click Here to Find Out!

Thinks it sounds like me? Damn if only I looked like her. MUAH! <3

2002-09-25T15:05:00.000-07:00

Well before not to much longer I will be back in Kansas. I have thinking about what going to happena dn what lies ahead of me and to be honest I am scared and so excited at the same time. I have realized that I have to get my life together and start doing things the way they should be done. I have to get things paid off and start saving money. Like seriously saving. I need to get a good job that pays half way decently and get my life together. I have a wedding I have to help pay for not to mention other expencises I have to look forward to. I want things to go a lot smoother between me and my family and I think that the best way to accomplish that is for me to be in Kansas and have our distance. I think everything worked better that way. I know finding a job won't be that hard in Kansas I mean they are practically begging people to come and work for them. And hell I would be makin more then the whole 6 dollars an hour I am makin now. I want my life to be started and have something perminate. I had a dream last night that Warren and I just went to Vegas and got married and made things easier but the more I thought about it the more I realized I want to wear the dress and have a special day and have friends and family there. I know everything will work out for the best and everything will be ok. As long as I keep telling myself that and keep working towards that I think that everything will be fine. ::: crosses finger :::. Well I have to go get more packing done and finish my list of things I made for myself this afternoon. Oh Lisa had her first day back at school today so go give her big hugs! MUAH! <3

2002-09-24T16:34:00.000-07:00

I have never ever been so sick in my life as I am right now. I haven't been able to keep anything in me since about 1:00 this morning, throwing up everything from last year. Then about an hour later, Lisa is doing the same thing and we are fighting over who gets to use hte bathroom and who has to use the kitchen sink. Talk about the night from hell. I can't even keep damn water in me right now. You know how thirsty that makes a person? Try like VERY. But anyways, I am getting kinda dizzy again going to go back to bed. Only 3 more days! MUAH! <3

2002-09-22T10:36:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah 5 more days! MUAH! <3

2002-09-22T10:35:00.000-07:00

Last night I had lots of fun, Brit and I went to Jackson's hole and got some dinner and checked out the lovely attmosphere. It was fun, I think I made her blush every shade of red there is. But it was fun and she will love me for it later. Other then that I didn't do a lot of anything. We had a big ol sale at work and I got some really good deals, bought some things for Gomer, Hanna, and got some Christmas gifts. Just going to put them away until I need them. Lets see, I came home last night after Jackson's Hole and found that Hanna was here so I gave her some of the stuff I bought, she is such a sweetie. Then gave Lisa some things too. But when don't I? Um lets see then I went to bed.

My aunt Barbie is going to be here with her two kids Hunter and Rachel. I am excited I haven't seen Hunter since he was a baby. And as for Rachel I haven't ever seen her. So I am very excited. I can't wait. Going to be lots of fun.

In other news Skyler's Mom, Tina, had a baby on Thursday. A little girl. Her name KayeLynn something. I can't remember right now. Well I better get my butt in gear lots to do before they get here today. MUAH! <3

2002-09-20T21:18:00.000-07:00

So, y night was boring as all get out. I did a lot of nothing. I talked to Warren for a bit and then that was about it. I am off to get some things done. MUAH! <3...Only Six more days!

2002-09-20T17:48:00.000-07:00

Today has been very slow and very boring. I have done a lot of nothing and wasted a lot of time doing it. Well I guess I am entitled damn it. Its my day off and more then likely the last one before I go back to Kansas. I think I might meet Dave tonight for drinks and then maybe something fun afterwards. Who knows. Have to wait and see I guess. I think Lisa is going out too, although I am not to sure about Mom and Charlie. That would be nice and house to myself. YIPPIE! But knowing my luck they will stay home and I will just have to leave. I think that is all I have to think of right now. MUAH! <3

2002-09-20T11:40:00.000-07:00

It has been a few days since I posted last. I have been busy packing and getting ready to go to Kansas. I am getting really excited and really sad at eh same time. I know that when I leave this time things are going to be very different when I come back. Miss Melba won't be across the street anymore to go and talk to. Markie won't be there to call and bother whenever I want. Nikki will more then likely be married, and me, well I guess I will be different too. I hate to say it but everyone is changing and life is changing faster then I had a chance to notice. Heck Lisa is in her second year of college and has her own life. Hell she might even get a real job here one of these days. Markie is all the way in California. Mindel is going to be down in Texas, and I am going to be all the way in Kansas. I guess things are bond to change, I just wish it wasn't all so soon.

I have been talking with my friends a lot lately scared that they are going to forget about me and everything we have been through together. I know I won't forget them and I am going to try to stay in contact with them more hen I did last time I left. Write send cards and all that fun stuff. I am not going to let life get away from me and I am not going to let some damn state get in the way either.

Once I get back to Kansas I am going to have to consintrate in Warren on and me. I can't worry about his mother or anyone else thinks. I am going to try and not stress so much and just kinda let things go. I am not going to get myself worked up over things that I have no control over.

I know this post sounds like a bunch of resolutions for myself and it pretty much is. If I don't say them then I more then likely won't do them. Sometimes I just ahve to talk out loud to get myself to listen. Sad isn't it? Well I guess that is just me.

I have to go and pick up my paycheck today after 2 and do a little shopping for some little things. Then it is home and then maybe some drinks with a friend once it is dark. I will just have to wait and see how things go. I am off for now, I need to clean a little more and got some more done around my room. MUAH! <3

2002-09-17T14:35:00.000-07:00

I am on like cloud Nine right now. Markie is going to make my layout for me on the geocities site I got. I can't wait to see what she comes up with. She is so good like that. I can't begin to tell you how happy that makes me. I think she going to do something really girlie and what not I told her to surprise me. I got her something off her wishlist for her making it for me. I love that girlie.

I am having a much better day then before I was just bitchy and everything was getting to me, I think everyone knows how that goes. I have to work a whole 4 hours today at work. I don't know if thats even worth my time. I can't wait to get to Kansas and start making some good pay checks. You know something over 200.00 every two weeks.

I swaer I am getting bigger too, I must be stressing more then normal either that or pms is really bad this month. I hate being bitchy and emotional. God I pitty Warren when we one day have children, I am going to be the biggest bitch and winch. But I guess thats what happens when you marry a nut job like myself. Ok enough about me. I have to go get some shit done before I have to go to work. MUAH! <3

2002-09-15T23:37:00.000-07:00

Ok I just got done talking with Warren and I don;t know if I feel any better or any worse. I still just as confused as I was before and I still don't feel any better. But at least he has somewhat of an idea as to how I feel. I guess that does make me feel kinda better. Well I forgot to tell what all else I did today.

I went to Finest with Lisa cause they were having this big sale like all the CD's they had outside were 50 cents and I bought her, myself, Mom and Gramma/Grampa CD's all for under 30 bucks. I must have gotten like 35 or so of them. It was great. Then after that we went and got a Slurpee, I am addicted to those damn things. Then I didn't do much else. But it was fun. Then I found out someother news. Mindy might be moving to Texas shortly. Melba got an offer on the house and they are in the process of doing the paper work. It is hard to believe that they are actually moving. It has been comming for such a long time and then when it is so close it is going to be hard to say Good Bye. Melba is my other Mom and Mindy is like another sister. God I have known them for so long it doesn't seem possible. I know Lisa is going to take it harder then any of us though. Mindy has been her best friend since 6th grade. I don't know how shes going to take it. I konw her and Mindel will stay friends though, they are way to close. I remember when we were younger we switched sisters. My Mom adopted Markie and Melba adopted Lisa. We even wrote out contracts and had our parents sign them. Remember that guys? I know I do, I think my Mom has those somewhere too. I might have to find those.

Anyways anough about me, I am off to bed to get some shut eye. Night all. MUAH! <3

2002-09-15T21:16:00.000-07:00

Why is life so hard to understand and why is it when you think something is going your way it changes into something you aren't sure of? I am so scared of life right its not even funny. It seems like everything is turned upside down and I can't see things strait. I know what I want out of life and I know what I love I am just not sure if they belong together. I feel like I lead two different lives. Like the way people see me and the way I actually am are completely different. My exterior is completly different then my interior. Its like looking at a country cottage then walking inside to find it completly modern. I have this hurt inside that doesn't ever go away, and I don't know how to make it better. I know it can be accounted to many things but I want to find the one thing and get rid of it. I feel like lately all I have been doing is making wrong decsions. I wish someone could just walk into my head and then maybe they would have an idea as to how I feel. I know I am not making much sence but I have to get it out of my system or I won't feel at all better.

I tryed talking to a friend today and they didn't seem at all interested in what I had to say. It is like I have to be there for everyone else and no one is there for me when I need them. Granted my family is here and what not but they don't understand and I don't know ow to make them. I am not the best with putting my emotions into words. I hold them inside and then I explode when I have had to much. Then when I do break down finally it is over something stupid. So in order for someone to understand they would have to listen to everything and that just takes to long. Like right now I am sitting here crying over everything and the thing that made me set me off was a friend calling me. How stupid is that? I have had some much on my mind lately and all I have been trying to do is take my mind off of it but it seems like the harder I try the more I think about it. I just wish I had someone that understood completly and knew what I was feeling and knew what I was thinking and knew what to say to me. Warren trys real hard and says he understands. He does understand me more then most but not completely. I don't think I even understand myself completely.

I have been having weird nights here lately I drema about things that upset me and when I wake up I can't remember what it was but I am left with those feelings of hurt and betrail. I feel like I'm not in control of my life and yet I am in total control. It is the hardest thing to explain and I don't know how. I think I will just go to bed now and crawl under my blankets and try and sleep it off. Night! <3

2002-09-13T20:29:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogger in a few days, sorry been busy. I gave my notcie today at work and my last day will be the 27th of this month. Then my happy butt will be back in Kansas. Sad huh? But I think things will be better this way, I think all is better off. I have to start getting everything together and start packing. I have to get all my things together that I want to take there and then decide what I still want to keep here. There is a lot of stuff let me tell you. hehe. But then again I save a lot of stuff. I think I finally threw away all the school news papers from high school. I am not sure as to why I was holding on to them. I guess sentimental reasons. Who knows I am just weird like that I guess. But anyways, yeah I have to start thinking about things in a different state of mind again. You know looking out for two people instead of one. I have so much to say and I don't have the words to make my thoughts seem like actual complete thoughts, they are all kinda jumbled in my head. Oh what the hell here it is. If you don't understand oh well. I ahve to get this out of my system before I explode.

Miss family
Warren is there
More money
things will be better
I can't wait
Only a few weeks left
Bugging gomer in here room
Mom in the kitchen
Sitting in the pump chair
Conversations about nothing
Grampas after shave
Gramma when she is all dressed up
Waking up to Warren next to me
Barney snoring
Time alone
Being alone
New job
Learning new things
Relearning how to drive
Lisa learning to drive
Mindy and Melba moving
Markelle in California
Teddy bears
Bigger place
Clean the kitchen
Warren
Lisa
Charlie
Gramma
Grampa
Mom

Ok it for now, made myself sad. Have to go get some things done now. MUAH! <3

2002-09-10T23:46:00.000-07:00

Well it is official, I am going to be moving back to Kansas. I talked to my Mom tonight and she said it was up to me as to when I want to leave. I talked to Warren and he said he would come and get me whenever I am ready. So I have to think about it. I am thinking the beginning of next month. I still haven't really decided. It was nice to know my Mom understands where I am comming from for once, I mean I really thought that she didn't understand me but I guess she some what does.

Today is September 11th, a year since that awful thing happened. I wouls just like to say that I feel bad for the servivors out there and my heart goes out to you. Kisses. <3

2002-09-09T21:40:00.000-07:00

Ok, I know it has been a while since I have posted something worth reading but I really have been busy with work and trying to work some things out in my head. I have been back and forth about moving back to Kansas and whether or not I should. There are a lot of things there that would make my life better and lots of things here that would make my life happy.

Good things about moving back to Kansas:
1. Warren
2. More Money
3. Insurance from a better job

Good things about staying:
1. Mom and Lisa
2. Gramma and Grampa
3. Friends

So I am torn between love of one kind and love of another. If I look at things from a financial stand point Kansas would be better. If I look at things from a family stand point Colorado would be better. I am torn and my heart is going both ways. I stay up a lot of nights trying to figure out what would be better. But either way and whatever conclusion I come too I am still and a cross roads. I don't know what path to take in my life and I am so scared I am going to make the wrong decision. I know I am going to have to fall on my face and get back up again, I just don't want to fall.

I talked to family and they think I could do better with life. I talk to Warren and I can't see my life without him. He is the first true love I have experienced and I don't want to lose that love. But it seemed like then I when I left I lost a lot of what I had here. I am scared that once I leave I will lose a lot more. I don't know how to explain what I am feeling or what I am supposed to do. I wish I could just get a message or something that would point me in the right direction. Once I moved out of the house things changed, I changed. I saw that there was a world outside of Colorado. I saw that there was a love for something that wasn't familiar. Then when I came back the love that I had once felt wasn't there anymore. I was looked at differently and acted towards differently. My room was no longer my room and my life here was no longer. Things had changed underneath me and things were pulled out from under me. My sense of security was no longer here but where Warren was. It was like my world was flip flopped and my family wasn't there for me to fall back on. It was so hard at first and I can't begin to tell you how much resentment I held towards my life here. But like things are never the same once you leave.

Then there is this whole thing with my mouth and having to pay for it and getting it fixed. That's another reason why I am so worried about leaving, I mean what am I going to do once I get there and things aren't better? Am I just going to have to deal with it? Suck it up? Take it like a man? Well, you know what I mean. Ok granted I would have insurance there, have a job that was actually full time, and a way to pay. But being the little pansy ass I am I want my Mom there. I have never gone through anything without her there. I don't know if Warren could handle to see me in pain or know what to do about how I feel.

I guess I just want my cake and eat it too. I want my Mom and I want Warren to both be there for me when I need them. I guess I am just going to have to do more thinking about things and figure out what I am going to do. I will have to talk it over more with Warren and see what he thinks.

Well night night all. Sweet dreams. MUAH <3

2002-09-07T23:29:00.000-07:00

I know it has been a while since I have said anything to y'all. I haven't been up to a whole lot of anything but trying to keep myself out of trouble and working. I think you know how that goes though. Lets see, I know here it goes.

10 Things I have never told you:
1. I am 21 years old
2. I live in Colorado
3. I love country music
4. People always think they know me, or that I look like someone they know.
5. Gomer is my sister
6. I concider myself a shy person
7. Warren is my everything
8. I have issues. :oP
9. I love Care Bears
10. Everyone should know by now, I lead a very boring and dull life

2002-09-04T17:04:00.000-07:00

Ok a lot of anything is going on in my life. I just took this quiz and here is what it had to say about me. I think it holds true.

What is your Alter-Ego
Personality?

Work went by oh so slow today, I can't stand it when that happens. I am sitting here talking to Packy right now and it is an actually pretty funny convo, but you have to be here to understand. I am off to go discover the world of my kitchena and see what creatures lie beneith. MUAH! <3

2002-09-03T10:09:00.000-07:00

I am about to head off to work, then it is off to Nin's for some girl time. I think that is about all I have planned for today. Wow do I ever lead a boring life. Ok all for now. MUAH! <3

2002-09-02T21:15:00.000-07:00

Ok I just took this test off of Kissable.org this is what I got. Sounds like me don't it? Too bad the color is wrong. hehe.

You Have a Round Ass!

All the guys think that you're a cutie.

That's thanks to your ghetto booty.

You've got a ass that looks like it's black.

And color doesn't matter, because baby got back.

What Ass Do *You* Have??

MUAH! Night World. <3

2002-09-02T11:07:00.000-07:00

Well today is Labor Day. Nothing really interesting going on in my neck of the woods. Lisa is so kickass! You have to go and tell her so.

Alright, now that thats out of the way, Who is bored? Me! Me! Me! Yeah, thats what I thought. I am so bored right now its not evern funny. Hell the thrill of my night last night was watching paint dry, seriously. I really need to get out more and do something. I can't wait to get back to Kansas. At least there I will have someone to be bored with.

You know how when you listen to certain songs you get that all over good feeling? Lately certain songs have been doing that to me, and I can't tell you why. I mean they are songs that have no meaning to me, and yet they are having the same effect that songs that do. Its just me I guess.

I am hoping to hear from some friends today, Dave inparticular. We are supposed to get together and do something. Hell at least get out of the house for a little bit.

Ok, enough of that. Off to check my daily reads. MUAH! <3

2002-09-01T16:47:00.000-07:00

Ok I just took this quiz off of Chicken Nuggets site. Here is what it said.

You get the SORORITY SLUT BARBIE!!

You WHORE!!!!!!

You're the typical person from high school, seeking

to find friends in high places. You're friendly, attractive,

and pay little attention to your problems. You are strong emotionally,

and dress in trendy clothing. You attract people with your high charisma...AND you're an easy fuck-buddy.

Sounds like me don't it? Yeah thats what I thought to. hehehe. <3

2002-09-01T13:40:00.000-07:00

Today I have done a lot of nothing but I did have fun last night at the park with a friend. Saw naked people and everything. It was great, not to mention the great conversation. hehe. But yeah, I am listening to this song that makes me so happy right now. I can't get it out of my head. I guess I am just going to ahev to bug Lisa to get another song stuck in my head.

I am helping my Mom do her kitchen still, we decided to paint one of the walls and boy does it look better. Now we are deciding how to stamp one wall with ivy. I think it is going to look so much better once it is done. Hell it was a major imporvment when we just did the little bit to it. Now she is thinking new counter tops and tile on the floor. God I can't wait until that happens. That will be really nice. The house was really in bad condition, and Mom and Charlie have put a lot of work into it. I can't wait until it is all done and finished. I must go. Need to finish what I was doing.

More laters. MUAH! <3

2002-08-31T21:18:00.000-07:00

I am so bored with my life right now I can't begin to tell you how much. I feel like going out and doing something I shouldn't just to say I did it. I am mad and angry and everything at once. I hate feeling this way. Ever just get bored with the way things are? And what you are doing? I do all the time.

2002-08-31T16:15:00.000-07:00

Ten Random Things:

1. I hate the smell of paint

2. I am talking to Dave

3. I am thinking about Warren

4. I love vanilla coke slurpee's

5. Work sucks

6. I need money

7. Lisa is a Gomer

8. Disney Kicks Ass! Yeah baby!

9. I have a headache

10. I wanna be a country rock star...la la la

Ok enought of that. I think I am going to head off of here and doing something worth while. MUAH! <3

2002-08-30T22:23:00.000-07:00

Today was great. I worked four hours and did a lot of nothing. I am sitting here talking to about 4 people in AIM trying to keep up. I hate it when you get on and no oneis on and the second you go to leave everyone decides to talk.

I talked to Nin for a little bit today and she is doing good. I talked to Warren and he can't wait for me to get there, and I am getting to the point I can't either. I want to be making more money and be with Warren. I am just lonely here. I talked to some other friends tonight and I think I am going to try and meet up with them later this weekend. I haven't seen them in a while so I am excited.

I am going to try and get some more hours at work here these next few weeks. Get as much money as possible put away. I think I am going to head off to bed, I had a lot of things I wanted to talk about but I just have the energy right now. So night all, MUAH! <3

2002-08-30T09:41:00.000-07:00

Alright, the stupid VMA's were last night and I an honestly say I couldn't have given a rats ass about it. The one thing I wanted to see was Justin Timberlake perform solo, and I did. If you want to know some other opinions about what people thought go chesk out Gomer, Markie, and Mindel's sites. Markies is by the far the funniest and the most honest. I love that girlie. Oh and her Birthday isn't that far off so go buy her something, you know you want to.

In other news I didn't hear from Warren at all yesterday, I hope everything is ok? I love you hunny! MUAH! I miss you bunches. <3

2002-08-29T19:52:00.000-07:00

Ok I was at Rotten.com and I was looking under their boners. I found this about died, ok where can I get one? hehe. <3

2002-08-29T13:00:00.000-07:00

Another fun filled morning in my so called life. I woke up this morning to someone hitting my bed and yelling to wake up, at 9 by the way. Hell my day to sleep in. I hate when people are inconsiderate. All stupid should be shot. Not to kill them but just to hurt them. Aren't I nice? Well I think so anyways.

Lets see I have no big plans for today except maybe head off the mall and by a few lil things. I really need to start saving money. But one bad thing, I can't save money. I am terrible when it comes to having money. I always want to spend it. I know I know, I am a stupid person but eh. I took this Vioxx that the doctor gave me yesterday to help with my jaw and it makes me feel really weird. Like kinda not all there. It is strange. I don't know if it is a side effect or I am just sensitive. More then likely it is just me. I am weird like that when it comes to medication.

When I went to the doctors yesterday I walked in and I didn't realize how long it has bee since I have been there. It has been at least a good 3 years. It didn't even look the same. So I get there and of course have to wait, I don't know why I even bother making appointments. Then I go in and the guy is really nice but very long winded. So I sit there and listen to him talk about a whole lot of things I already know. So he gets done with that and tells me I have a while before I can have full function back in my jaw, the other thing he told me is that there is no guarentee it will ever go away and that it won't come back. So fuck me running, I guess I am going to br broken for a while. I guess it could be worse I could be having my jaw wired shut. Thank goodness I don't have to do that. Anyways, I leave and all in all for about 2 hours of my time the damn guy made about 200.00 bucks off of me. Having no insurance sucks major ass. So for all of you out there without any, GET IT!!! Hell I am about to go whore myself on the street. I don't know how I am going to pay for my wisdom teeth to be removed. That is going to be a good 1300.00. Hell that would have my Grandpa payed off. So I don't know what the fuck to do. Moving to Kansas and getting a good job and insurance is looking like my best bet. Hell these 300 dollar pay checks aren't getting me anywhere fast. Anyone care to give there money away? Didn't think so, I guess I am going to have to find a sugar daddy, or be someones bitch. Any pimps out there that are lookin to hire in my area? Well if you are let me know. But hey I am not cheap.

Ok enough for now, Oh Markie's Birthday is comming up. Go buy her something, shes just a poor college girl. I love you hunny bunny. MUAH! <3

2002-08-28T12:01:00.000-07:00

My happy butt went the surgeon guy this morning and told me a lot about what is wrong with my jaw. It turns out that I have slipped the disk that is in between. And according to him I might not be able to have my wisdom teeth out now. I might have to wait. Which is ok I guess cause they aren't really bothering me. But I have to take it easy on my jaw. Soft foods, limited action, and message. He said it could take up to 8 months to heal and go back to full range. Suck ass much huh? Well I have to go back in one month to see where I am and what things look like. I really like the guy, hes older and kinda has the Grandpa comfort apeal, which is nice. I hope all is well soon, then I can move to be with my hunny. Enough for now, I will tell you more laters. MUAH! <3

2002-08-27T14:28:00.000-07:00

Well it is 3:13 and I have to be at work by 4:00, I am pretty much just killing time and trying to find something to do to stay out of Charlie's way. I was going to go over to a friends house for a bit and hang out before I had to make my way to work but she ended up going to class. I think I might go over there tonight and hang for abit, I have to go to the doctors in the morning so I can't stay too long.

I had a long talk with Warren this morning on the computer and I think on the 20th of next month if everything goes ok, I will move back and be with him. Things are just going back to the way they used to be and it isn't fair to Mom or Lisa. Mom said it last night that things just went better when I wasn't here, so I will take advise for once. I think that will give me more then enough time to get things together and let my work know. I mean heck thats a months notice. Robert told me that Target was hiring there and it was starting at like 10 an hour plus a 250 sign on bonus. Hell hit me up with that shit. LOL. Ok there was some Lisa talk for you.

I am hoping that the doctor tomorrow will give me some relaxers for my jaw and let me be on my way. I talked to my friend Dave and he tells me that the muscle relaxers might knock me on my ass. Which I so don't want. That would not be good at all. I am hoping that there will be some kinda devine intervention and things will go my way. You know like win the lotto or something. No ore money problems would be so very nice right now. Hell a nice 500 would be nice right now. Any money for that matter. Money is what I need! Anyone care to give to me? Eh, I didn't think so. I promise all you all though, if I ever have tons of money I will give to everyone. Well everyone that needs it. Do some good in this world. Oh and I found something else that I need to add to my site, I will have to add it laters though, my time is running short before I have to go to work.

I am sure I will have lots of fun things to share with you all when I get home. New add came out this week, I have to learn that before I start. I hate those things, they drive me nuts. But I am off once again to smile and say have a nice day. Wish me luck. 24 more days and I am out of here.

MUAH! <3 Love you hunny!

2002-08-26T22:20:00.000-07:00

Ok my DAMN JAW NEEDS TO LOSEN UP ALREADY!! IT IS STARTING TO PISS ME OFF. You know just in case you couldn't tell already.

Oh and every fucking idiot out there can kiss my ass. That means all you mother fucking-brother kissing-cousin marring freaks! Stupid people shouldn't breed. It messes everything up. Like welfare. My retirment and my taxes. So a note to all of you I mentioned, invest in condoms, get out of your little itty bitty town, date someone with a last name that is not yours, leave me alone, and for gods sake learn to speak in sentences that make sence. Oh and another thing, It is WASH, not WORSH. I hate that. And don't add E-D to things that are already plural. And usetacould isn't a word either. Ok I know my english isnt fucking perfect and I am not saying it is, but god damn learn to speak in words and sentences that make sence. No wonder the world is retarded, look at the damn people that are breeding. It should be law that you know how to read and spell before you have children. And using the excuse it was a cold Winter doesn't work anymore. I have pitty on the children that are born into these poor families. Oh and another thing, is it like in some law book that if you are stupid you dont brush your teeth? Every fucking person inbreed or illiterate person has fucked up teeth. I guess it is attractive to some people. No one I know. Ok and some things up before I get a million emails about how dumb I am: USE CONDOMS, DON'T DATE YOUR FAMILY, BRUSH YOUR TEETH, AND LEARN TO USE REAL WORDS!

2002-08-26T16:59:00.000-07:00

This song makes me feel so much better, knows I am not the only one who feels this way.

CRASH AND BURN

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned it's back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relieve and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face they day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

2002-08-26T16:20:00.000-07:00

I so hate stupid people, they make me so damn mad. I wish some people would just wake up adn pull their damn heads out of their asses.

You know what my one wish in life is? To never have to worry about money. It seems like the more and I try to tell myself money isn't everything, the more I realize that money is a lot of everything. It seems like the harder I try and save the more that I end up spending for one reason or another. I guess that is just the way life is. I know that there are more important things in life though, like the people that love and care about me. I am really going to try and make a resolution for myself not to getso upset over things I can't control. That has to be one of my biggest faults. I let those things bother me when I really shouldn't cause it is something I can't fix anyways. I am just going to attempt and take my life one day at a time and minute by minute. No more stress for me, or at least I am going to try. I have to get my body in better mental and physical health cause right now the only place it is going is into the gutter and fast. I need to do the whole mind and body workover. Start from scratch and see what happens. NO MORE STRESS!!!!

Well thats all I have to say for now, somethings I need to get done. MUAH! <3 I love you hunny!

2002-08-25T18:06:00.000-07:00

I know it has been a while since I sat down in front of this keyboard and decided to spill my mind out to all of you lovely people, whomever you may be. But I am back for now and I have a lot to say.

First and foremost if youread my blog at all you woud know that on the 23rd of this month I was supposed to have my wisdom teeth taken out. Well, my happy ass was drugged in the chair ready for them to do what they must, when somewhere from up above someone decides to shit on my face. Not literally or anything. But my damn jaw locks up and makes in IMPOSSIBLE for the darn guy to get into my mouth and take my oh so hurting, breaking through my skin, teeth out. So, they wake up my happy ass, or at least try to. Call Mom and Warren and in and tell them he can't do it. Which means, I have to have the real kinda surgery now, you know the kind where they actually take your ass to the hospital. Stay over night kinda thing. Which = $$$$ for the doctors out there. None of which I have. So, as you are beginning to tell I am in some kinda boat right now. Oh and did I mention that my jaw is still locked. Yeah, it is. SUCK ASS MUCH!! Its lke I can't open my mouth wide enough to chew and eat and that kinda stuff. And now my darn ear is starting to hurt, I think cause of all the damn tention there. I am hoping I can call the dentist tomorrow and he can perscribe me a muscle relaxer. Something to make my jaw feel better. I am starting to sound like a damn hypocondriact. I just want everything to be better.

Warren left this afternoon at 12 and just now got back into Kansas. WITHOUT ME!!! I hated watching him go but there wasn't anything I could do about it. I wish I had all teh money in the world and then I could be with him all the time and then my mouth would be better and everything would be ok. We had a long talk in bed this morning about how I should go with him, there were just too many things that I need to be here for. I ahve so many things I need to take car and so many things I have to do. I haven't paid my student loan in a long time and they never ever did call me back about it. So I need to mail them in some money, I don't want that to go against me. Cause I know the interest will be high. Then I have a lot of other things I owe miney too. Then once I get most of that out of the way then I can move to be with Warren and be happy. I forgot how good it feels to just be held and told you are loved by someone other then your family. He always makes me feel like the most important person in the world, no one else makes me feel like that. I missed someoen being next to me in bed, even though it was a small one. I missed just having him there when I wakeup in the morning. I missed so much and I didn't really realize it until he was here. And now he is gone until I have my next surgery on my mouth. Then I am going to go back with him.

I think that is enough for now, I have gone and made myself sad and think about Warren again, maybe I just need a another Vanilla Coke slurpee. Greatest thing on earth. Make me feel better anyways. Might have to drag Lisa's ass out again, SHe'll hate that! ha ha!

I love you Hunny and I miss you so much! MUAH! Please come back now! MUAH! <3

2002-08-22T10:00:00.000-07:00

Warren is in Colorado right now, he will be here at my house in about 3 hours or so. I am so so so so happy. I think I am just going to jump him the min I see him. hehe. I have lots to get done before he gets here so I better get going. I will tell you all about ti laters. MUAH! <3

2002-08-21T19:30:00.000-07:00

I am oh so happy today, Warren will be here in less then 24 hours. I am like jumping off the walls. I can't begin to tell you how happy I am. I think that tomorrow night we are going to go and meet Nin for drinks somewhere. That way she has a chance to meet him, since she hasn't met him yet. I think Nin is really going to like him, or so I hope. Hell I know she will cause I picked him. Hehe.

Other then that work was ok today it went by really fast. Which was great cause I had some much to do when I got home. I had to make the house look all nice and pretty for when Warren is here. Not like he cares or anything. Oh and Charlie got home today. About an hour or so ago. I am thinking that there is something that I am forgetting to do though. I guess I best get to thinking. MUAH! <3

2002-08-20T15:47:00.000-07:00

Well I got an email from Mindel yesterday and I am sad now. She can't host me cause she doesn't have room. Which means I am going to have to find someone to host me and find a domain. That will be easy, the domain part, the hosting part is what is going to be hard. I am hoping she can just make blogger look cool for me, its not like a lot of people look at my site anyways. I guess I am going to have to wait and see how things go.

Something else that is making me really happy right now, Warren will be here in like 2 days. Yes 2 days and he will be all mine. Well for a little while until he goes back home. I just wish I could back with him. I will someday soon though I am sure.

I stayed home from work today, my mouth was hurting so damn bad this morning that I couldn't help but cry. My jaw hurts now on top of my teeth hurting. So my Mom called the dentist and I talked to chick there and she tells me that it sounds like I have TMJ. Whatever that means but its when your jaw doesn't line up right so it sits off center. Which means I am grinding and clinching my jaw in my sleep. So I am hoping once my teeth are out I can get a mold made or something for me to wear while I sleep. That way it will be all better. :o) Or so I am hoping.

I had a very strange and interesting dream last night, one I actually remembered. Which is strange cause I never remember what I dream about. But anyways, my dream was that Warren came here to give me my car. But through out the dream his face kept changing. Like you know its him but its someone elses face? Then it was like I was lost in the dream and I couldn't find my way to where I was going. Isn't that weird? Well I think so anyways. Ok now here is what my well educated ass thinks it means. Cari the shrink's analysis. hehe. I think it means I am not sure of where I am going in my life hence the getting lost and not finding my way. The thing about Warren changing faces, is that I am seeing him in a different light. Like seeing all sides of him. Or something like that. So think thats what it means? I dunno. Thats just my jibber jabber.

Ok it smells like Mom has dinner made. One of my ALL TIME FAVS! Tacos from scratch. You know where you melt the oil in the pan and make your own taco shells? Oh my favorite. Well thats it for now. And I think I just thought of a great domain name. YIPPIE!!! Go me. MUAH! <3

2002-08-19T19:19:00.000-07:00

Work went by so fast today it was not even funny. I love teh 10 till 4 shift. Hell I would still be at work right now if I was working until close. But hell, I have to work that tomorrow. Damn it!

Oh and on a different note, Mindel is working on my new layout. I know it is so going to kick ass. Just cause she does like that. Thank you! HUGS!!!! When you are big someday don't forget the little people ( me ). LOL.

Warren is going to be here in like no time at all. Three days to be exact. YIPPIE!!! I so can't wait. I miss him so much. Kisses for me.

I didn't do a lot of anything tonight, just kinda hung out and thought about things. Warren wants me so badly to go back with him. And believe you me I want to, I just don't think I can right now. I had a long ass conversation with Robert last night about everything. He thinks that I should move back home to, he pointed some things out to me that I really didn't realize I was doing. It made me mad at first but once I thought about it, I came to realize it was the truth. They are right when they say the truth hurts sometimes. Growing up sucks. I so don't want to be an adult anymore. He made me realize that I was acting childish about a lot of things and just avoiding stepping up to the plate with Warren. I guess I am just letting my fear get away from me. Made me realize that I really need to focus on what is important and what I have, not what I don't. I realized that I take advantage of the relationship I have with Warren. I expect him to be always be there for me, and I think he is always going to be there for me to fall back on. But hes not, I need to start doing things differently. I guess I am not as grown up as I thought. I love you hunny, and I am so sorry. I didn't realize what I was doing to you and the kinda situation I was putting you in. I am sorry. I guess I have more to think about then I thought.

Thats all for now, I am sure I will think of more laters. MUAH! <3

2002-08-18T21:29:00.000-07:00

Today was a nice change. No work. I got to sleep in until about 11:00, which was nice. Then I took and shower, got dressed and all that other fun stuff. Although, I never did put on make up. hehe. My plans for today didn't happen, Bryan had other things to take care of. Which is just fine with me.

I was happy today I got to wear my Eeyore overalls. They are so cute. Baggy as all get out, but still comfy none the less. I think I am just going to live in these things. I really should take it is a few inches, cause it is kinda baggy but I am lazy and don't want to.

I think that is all for me tonight, I don't have much to say for once. MUAH! <3

2002-08-17T23:12:00.000-07:00

I am sweet as can be. What kinda Candy are you??? <3

discover what candy you are @ stvlive.com

2002-08-17T22:17:00.000-07:00

Work was so very long today. My feet hurt like no other and my neck hurts from looking into the faces of bitchy people all day long. Warren will be here in 5 days!!! YIPPIE!! So now it is late and I am sitting here eating vanilla ice cream with strawberry jam on it. Oh, so yummie. Not my favorite in the whole wide world but very good. Oh I got this thingy off of Adrians site so I am going to copy him. My chicken nugget!

10 things you're looking forward to (not in order)
1. seeing Warren Again
2. Getting married
3. moving back to Kansas
4. having someone sleep next to me again
5. one day having kids
6. one day owning my own home with Warren
7. seeing Keith Urban in concert
8. going to Six Flags to see Six Wire
9. losing weight
10. my whole fmaily be happy with me

9 things you wear everyday
1. underwear
2. a bra
3. engagment ring
4. skrunchy in my hair
5. jeans
6. shirt of some kind
7. make up
8. shoes
9. my smelly Divine

8 things that annoy you
1. stupid people
2. ignorance
3. rap music
4. dumb questions
5. not being able to sleep as long as i want to
6. being bored
7. Religion
8. not having money

7 things you touch daily
1. people
2. money
3. my hair
4. my face
5. my Barney
6. my pillow
7. the phone

6 artists/bands u like
1. Keith Urban
2. Tommy Shane Steiner
3. Brad Martin
4. Bryan White
5. Kevin Sharp
6. Blake Shelton

5 favorite songs of the moment
1. Tommy Shane Steiner- Maybe she's an Angel
2. Joe Nichols- The Impossible
3. Anthony Smith- If that ain't Country
4. Brett James- Chasing Amy
5. Marcel- Country Rock Star

4 people you spend the most time with
1. Lisa
2. Warren
3. Mom
4. Bryan

3 movies you could watch again and again
1. With Honors
2. 13 Ghosts
3. American Pie One and Two

2 things you could do everyday
1. Pet my Barney
2. Kiss Warren

1 person you could spend the rest of your life with
1. My Warren, MUAH! <3

2002-08-16T23:01:00.000-07:00

I worked like long ass hours tonight, I hate working those kinda hours. If it was normal hours it would be different. I guess thats just what I get for working at the place I picked. LOL. I am so excited for Warren to get here. I can't wait. I feel like I am going to explode or something. I want to drive my car, and I want to spen time with Warren. I hate being alone all the time, at least when he is here things will be a little better. Ok it is late and it is time for bed. Night Night all. MUAH! <3

2002-08-16T21:33:00.000-07:00

Here is the test I took. This is what it said.

What Kind of Relationship is Right For You?

2002-08-15T22:46:00.000-07:00

I s don't understand men they tell you one thing and then act another. Why do guys act like that? Can anyone tell me? Guys just plain out suck. Thats all there is to it.

2002-08-15T21:37:00.000-07:00

I talked to Bryan today and I think we are just going to meet early Sunday morning and go out to breakfast or something. He is going to spend the rest of the day with his neice and nephew. I think it is sweet, most guys wouldn't do that kinda thing. Tomorrow I have to work from 12 til closing, which sucks major ass, but there really isn't anything I can do about it. The one good thing is tomorrow is Friday. Thank goodness, it seems like it has been forever away. I love the weekends things just seem so much better. I don't why but they do. I had this dumb song stuck in my head all day long, and no matter what I tried I couldn't seem to get it out. I think I am losing my mind. That has to be it. Warren will be here in six days, YIPPIE!! I am so so so so excited I can't even begin to contain myself.

I am wanting really badly to go back with him but I don't think it is going to happen. Even though I want to so so so so bad. Get my teeth paid off and I am there. That is all there is to it. It is just way to hard being without my bestfriend and having him to talk to and hold every night. I am just way to lonely without him. I need to be where he is no matter what the cost. i just love him way to damn much.

And on that note I think I am going to head off and call him. MUAH!! <3

2002-08-14T17:59:00.000-07:00

Today I got a ton of things done that I have been wanting to do for a long time. One of the major things was clean up the downstairs, it was really junky and everything seems to end up there somehow. But now it is all clean and pretty. Mom and I must have worked on it for a good 3 hours, but boy was it worth it. Well I think so anyways. Then after that we went to K Mart and bought me some clothes and shoes, and Mom got a whole bunch of other fun stuff.

On another note, Warren will be here in a week. YIPPIE!!! I can't begin to tell you how incredably happy that makes me. Makes me want to pee a little, Right Lisa? I get to drive MY car around and just ahve fun with my hunny. I can't wait to just spend time with him again. I miss him so much, it is so lonely without him. But I have only seven days to wait. I'm not counting or anything. LOL.

Then I was playing around on here and I came across this princess quiz. Here is what it said about me.

Take The Princess Quiz by Azure Eyes

You are The Princess of Quite a Bit

Your kingdom is comprised of modest crafts and tradesmen.
Though your title of Princess is mostly honourary, you still manage to take advantage of the freedom and privileges your sovereignity provides.
You have time to enjoy the finer things in life, but keep your indulgences to a minimal level, beleiving that one should waste not, want not.
You never forget your prestigieous heritage, but you prefer to mingle with the commoners, relishing in the special freedoms they have.
Your life revolves around tradition and celebration, spending those times with the ones you love.
Level-headed and considerate, you are well liked by all your subjects.
Your crown is a thin band of jewels.
Your throne is a simple chair that sits beside your mother’s throne.

Think it is me?

I don't think I have much of anything else left to say. Today was busy and I am pretty tired. I think I am going to go a gel out for a while. MUAH! <3

2002-08-13T22:36:00.000-07:00

Ok here is what MY pretty car looks like. MINE ALL MINE!!!!! <3 Yippie I am oh so happy.

2002-08-12T23:16:00.000-07:00

Another fun filled day at Hobby Lobby, customer who can't make up their minds, screaming babies, kids running wild, and a million people stading in line to argue the price of something just to get it cheaper. Does this look like a damn flea market or what? I mean really, come on now. I swear people are always out for the best deal and the cheapest fucks I have ever met. Just pay the damn price.

In other news with my oh so ever exciting life, being a girl sucks ass. If there is a God you know he has to be male. No women would make another women be in pain for a damn week out of every month. Men don't have to deal with anything, hell jack themselves off at least once a day, can scratch themselves in public, blech with no reguard to who is around or whating, and then have sex with whomever whenever they want and don't get labled but yet get praised by their friends. Just isn't fair. If I was to go around doing the same thing I would be labed a dirty slut. A guy does it and hes " the MAN ". That just bothers me. Not to mention a billion other things in the world. But that is a biggy. I dunno maybe its just me.

I think I am going to meet up with my friend Bryan this weekend and we are going to go hang out and see a movie or something. Hes lonely too, and we both agree its good to have someone to talk to and not worry about what they think of you or how you ahve to impress them. Like when you are in a relationship, you are comfortable with the person and what not but subconciously we are always wondering what they are thinking. And in one way or another trying to impress them. With Bryan I don't ahve to worry about anything like that. We are just friends and someone one another can talk to about anything and not worry. It is nice to have someone to talk to other then Warren and Mom and Lisa all the time. I mean there are things I can say to them but I can't tell them everything I am thinking all the time. I dunno, I always have so much going through my mind all the time its just kinda nice to have someone to share it all with. I miss having a friend to talk to like that. Its been a long time. Well at least since high school when me and NIn were really close. Things are different now though, and she has her boyfriend. Thats what her world revolves around. But I dunno maybe it is just me.

I don't understand some girls, they get boyfriends and their who world has to revolve around them, like they don't exist without them. Like they have to be around them every second. I just wish that girls weren't like that. I wish that gilrs could be themselves around boys and not worry about things. Hell I am more comfy around men then I am girls. I just sometimes wish I was a guy, well kinda anyways. You know what I mean don't you? Well if you don't, oh well. I think I am going to go to bed soon. I am tired and I have to work tomorrow. I am sure I will have more to talk about tomorrow, there is always something on my mind. Thats all. Oh and 9 more days and my hunny will be here with me. Yippie! I can't wait. I get to see him. I have missed him so much, and I get to see my car. MUAH! <3

2002-08-11T14:10:00.000-07:00

OMG!!! Best news ever in the whole entire world, Warren the love of my life went out and bought a brand new car, and yeah you are more then likely thinking, "Ok big deal". But you don't understand we have been talking about getting one for a while and now we finally have it. I am so happy I just might pee a little. LOL. But yeah, made my day yesterday when I found out he bought it. Now all I have to do is convince him that he needs to drive it out here and give it to me. LOL. But yeah I am so way excited right now its not even funny.

Oh and then last night I went to Denver and had so much fun. I met up with a friend of mine from elementay school. We hung out and played BINGO! Yeah I know Gramma game much but it was fun. I don't think I have laughed that hard in a long time. It was also really good to get out and just be with people that aren't family. I am stuck at home all the time and I never really get to do anything fun, so it was a really nice change though. Oh, and the suck thing I made my sister and Mom worry about me. I left for Denver at about oh 5:00 or so. Well anyways I got down there and all was going good. We made it to BINGO and everything ok. But after the second session thingy I found out from someone there that I-25, the way I need to get back home closed at 9:00. It was 2:00 when I found out. I was like ok fuck now what? Well I know it was bad on my part but I decided to crash in Denver until it opened back up again. I didn't think to call my Mom and let her know what was going on. So, she was upset that I didn't call and was worried about me. But all in all I had so much fun.

I needed a break from life for a little bit, sometimes things can just be too much, and you need a break to get away. I am glad to be home though, and I am glad I can sleep in my bed tonight. I am hoping I can talk to Warren when he gets off of work I have lots to tell him. Oh and in about 2 weeks I have surgery. YIKES!!! I am scared and I am hoping Warren is going to be here. I think I might die or something if hes not.

Oh, and on that note, Warren is really wanting me to move back to Kansas City to be with him. Yeah, I have a job and yeah I am so loving being home but I ain't making shit. 6.50 an hour and 35 hours a week. I am never ever going to get all my debt payed off in anytime soon. One of the reasons Warren bought that car was to give it to me so I would have something to drive there, I really have to think about things and as to whether or not I want to go back. I really want to be with Warren, because I miss him so much, but I also want to be here and be with Gomer, Mom, and Gramma and Grampa. But if I move there I will get things payed off quicker, and that means out of debt faster. I dunno what to do, it is confusing and things don't slow down for anyone, not even me. I m off now, I have to clean my room and get somethings done. I work 9 hours tomorrow and I know I am going to be tired when I get done there and I am not going to want to close. I hope that everything is ok with Warren and everything is ok with his family. I might have to go and give them a call. Anyways, I love you Hunny!!! <3 MUAH!!!

2002-08-08T23:30:00.000-07:00

I feel so dumb right now its not even funny. I got my hopes up thinkin Warren would be here for when I had surgery, but I should have known better he won't be here. So now I am sitting here crying like an idoit and its my own fault. I should have known better but you always have that hope in the back of your mind. So I get to go have surgery alone and deal with things alone like always. It just would have been nice to have him here and kinda take some of the weight off my shoulders. I am just really scared, I was hoping someone would be there to hold my hand. But it is ok its not the first tiem and I am sure it won't be the last time I will have to deal with thigs alone. I just know what I have to look forward to. I really shouldn't get my hopes up all the time. I should ust learn to except the fact that we are apart and its going to be that way for awhile. I have things to take care of and so does he. Until those are taken care of we'll be apart. He doesn't have the time or the money and I just can't stand to go back there. I guess things tell you how much someone means to you. I mena hell I was there for him when he had surgery, and I was there when he woke up from it, and I was the one who stayed there over night with him and watched him sleep, and I was the one who took care of him for two weeks after wards. I guess a weekend is really to much to ask. Well off to bed, some hard drugs and I am out, my mouth is killing me and no my heart hurts to boot. Yippie for me. Drugs and bed here I come.

2002-08-07T21:18:00.000-07:00

I just took this quiz at this site but anyways here were my results. I dunno, think they fit me?

What's *Your* Sex Sign?
MUAH <3

2002-08-07T16:05:00.000-07:00

I found out yesterday I get my wisdom teeth pulled on the 23rd if this month. I am kinda scared but kind of happy to get them out. They have been hurting me like no other and it is about time I do something about it. It isn't going to be nearly as expensive as I thought it would be which is good. But I am going to owe my Mom the money. I had a good day at work and everything went my way, which was nice cause my mouth was hurting like crazy. Tomorrow shouldn't be all that bad either, well at least I am hoping. Then this weekend I am going to go down to Denver I think and spend some time with friends. I have to wait and see how things go though, still need to talk it over with my Mom. I think that is all I have to say right now. Nothin else really interesting going on with me. MUAH! <3 Oh yeah, Charlie leaves tomorrow to go back to work. Yippie!! Oh, wait I didn't mean to say that out loud. he he . <3

2002-08-05T10:21:00.000-07:00

Well off to another fun day of work. I get to work a fun filled 9 hours today. Suck ass much? I think so. Mom called early this morning and made me an appointment with the dentist to see what he could do for me as far as my wisdom teeth go. See if there is a general surgeon he can sugest to me. Mom said I can just pay here back when I can and not to worry about it right now. Work is so going to suck especially if I am only able to work teh register. If they had me in the back or something I don't think it would be so bad. I guess I am just going to have to wait and see. There isn/t anything else of any importantance I can think of to say right now. Oh yeah, OWIE!!!! Ok I am done now. <3 MUAH!

2002-08-04T21:11:00.000-07:00

Why is it when people are drunk they feel the need to argue about everything and try and make you feel worthless? Well I don't think that any reason is good enough. I am so sick of being made to feel worthless by Charlie and like I am not a member of this family. He must telll me at least 4 times a day that I am just a guest in this house. Hell according to him the dog rates higher then me. My old room is the office or the dogs room. I have just kinda been erased from the picture. But I guess that is all well and good because thats what he wants anyway. And they wonder why I am withdrawn and isolate myself. Hmm thats not that hard to figure out. You know since I have been home in June I haven't had one conversation with Charlie that didn't end with yelling or someone mad. Mainly me cause it is always my fault. I guess it is easy to put your own problems and self doubt on someone else to make you feel better. I wish I could do that, I wish I had my own personal punching bag. Oh wait I am one, does that count? I just want to be back with Warren and get back to the way things were. Hell I would rather put up with things there then live here and be made to feel losely everyday. On an everyday basis I am fighting with myself and telling myself that I do belong in this world and that people really do care about me. No wonder I have such a complex with myself. But I guess I am no better then he is placing the blame on someone else. It is my fault I am sure but I am just not sure how. I guess in one shape or form I have always been in the way. I have been told that in one way shape or form for a long time. I guess it just take a while to realize what the person is actually trying to say. I am to the point where I don't know anymore. Maybe if I just died and got myself out of the way he would be happy. I just wish I had somewhere to go and get away, but here I don't, all I have are my own thoughts. I guess things could be worse, I could be dead. Or wait I forgot I already am inside. It is really easy to smile and make things ok, but once you are alone things are way different. I am the poster child for what a broken marriage can do to you. You would think he would be happy for me in the things I have done and what I have accomplished in my life, but no nothing is ever good enough and I will never be what he wants me to be. I am a person with my own thoughts and feelings. But some people just don't see it that way. I get myself so upset. I don't uderstand why I am not a stronger person, why do I let him of all people get to me? That one person I am forced to deal with cause I have no other choice. My mouth is hurting so god damn bad right now I am about ready to pull the teeth out myself. Then he was like yeah I do care and stuff yesterday, yeah right my ass. Talking abuot how he doesn't like to see me in pain, WTF? Ok total contradiction of yourself, you put me in emotional pain everyday. If you care I think you are drunk or thinking about someone else. Cause it sure as hell ain't me you care about. When you care about someone you tell them and show them, neither which you have done for I don't know how long. Maybe like whe I was 10 or something. So a good half of my life ago. I know I am just mad and taking things out in words but my heart hurts so bad sometimes I don't know what else to do. I feel like someone is sitting on my chest and making it so I can't breathe. The kind of hurt I don't wish on my worst enemys. Rejection must be the worst feeling in the world. A feeling I know all to well and don't want to feel anymore. First from a father who with which a share DNA and thats about it, communication when his wife isn't around, and a card in the mail every blue moon. Then from Charlie and I am not sure about that there or what the hell I did. If I had a bottle of hard liquor right now it would be gone. Just drink myself into a dream like state where I don't remember events from the night before. Is there a drug I can buy that has this effect? I wish there was. I wish I could get my feelings out and tell him how I really feel, but I know that all that would end in is something else for him to hold against me. Just like pretty much everything else. I thought that thing were meant to be forgave and forgotten? I guess the rules just don't apply to everyone. I love my Mom and Lisa more then words can express and yet I can't talk to them. I know what the answer will be and I know what they will think. Lisa kinda has an idea as to how I feel but not the full extent. I am making a promise to myself that if and when I have children I will make a point of telling them at least once a day I love them and I care about them. I want the people in my life to know I love them and I care about them. I have been so scared lately that something is going to happen, like this weird feeling, and I am so scared that people aren't going to know how I feel about them. I really wish I understood myself better. <3 Then maybe I wouldn't be so hurt all the time, and so upset with myself.

2002-08-04T13:12:00.000-07:00

Ok I like love Kelly Osborne, and I took some quizzes to see what I am. Here was what they told me.
Which of Kelly Osbourne's random objects are you?
by Razorstar. Oh and here is this one. This I think is more my Mom.

Which of Kelly Osbourne's hairstyles are you?
by Razorstar

2002-08-03T21:41:00.000-07:00

ok once again my mouth is hurting like crazy and there isn't anything I can do. I have found that Advil does help a bit. I am so confused right now I am just going in circles. I want so badly to be here with my Mom, Lisa and Charlie, but it seems it was going to be a temp thing anyway. It wasn't ever going to be anything perminate. I guess once you leave you really can't come back, well at least to where you were before you left. I just don't think that Mom understand sometimes as to how lonely I get and for how hard it is for me to be here. I have had to swallow any kind of pride I had and come crawling back, and now that I am here I come to find out that I really shouldn't even be here in the first place. I think I am just going to move back with Warren, at least there I have someone to talk to about things and not be judged. I guess I don't know where I belong. I thought that I would be happier here, and in some ways I am. But in others I am not. It seems like my bestfriend is a million miles away and I am kinda stuck to deal with things alone. I have tried talking to Mom but she doesn't understand, and Lisa isn't much better. They don;t seem to realize that they have someone to talk to, Mom has Charlie and Lisa has all her friends. Lisa trys to understand but thinks of herself or reverts things back to her. I mean I know they try sometimes but most of the time it just doesn't work. I just lie in bed and cry myself to sleep most night and try not to think about things. But you know how things get when you just lay there. You think about everything. I have had such a hard time sleeping lately thats its not even funny. I wake up on every hour and look at the clock. And once I am asleep I dream of the things that are bothering me, so it is like I never get a break from my own thoughts. It is enough to drive a person lonely and out of their mind. I am trying really hard to be strong and not let things get to me but it doesn't seem to be working. I feel like breaking down and crying all the time for reason or another. Today when I was driving to work I had one of those dizzy spells, when I was at a stop light. It was scary. It was like things went all weird in front of my face and there wasn't anything I could do about it. So, I kinda sat there dazzed for a minute and then I took off. I don;t know what causes them but they really scare me. I am affraid something might happen to me. I have had a lot of dreams lately about dying. Like the one dream I had last night, I had died in my sleep. Then it kinda went to where the funeral was, and they were people there dressed in black and family and everything, and they were talking about how closed off I was when I was alive and how I never talked about anything, and how they didn;t even know anything was wrong. It turns out I didn't die in my sleep, I took one to many pills and I just didn't wake up. It was so freaky I couldn't fall back asleep for a while after that. I just kinda layed there. I kinda know what my dream meant and how to take it but it is still scary. It made me think there are so many things I want to do with my life and there is so much more yet that I have yet to do. It also made me realize that I am kinda trapped, and I have no one but myself to blame. It like being in a room with a window on every wall, and every window has something different when you look out it. I want to be outside away from the room, but I am trapped with no way out. The windows are locked and there isn't a door. But I have put myself in the box, I guess I am going to have to figure a way out of it. Well enough of my babble. I am just making myself more upset. Bye! <3

2002-08-03T17:41:00.000-07:00

Today was so darn long, and I don't feel good. My wisdon teeth are hurting me like a bitch and there isn't anything I can do about it until I get insurance. It sucks to be broke. Eh! Anyways, work was ok today but I found out some of the shit about it. Like part time you don't get a break. Any even full time only get ONE 15 minute break. What kinda shit is that? I will keep this job until I can find another one. Or until Wal Mart starts to hire again. Which I am hoping they will do soon. Well I don't have anyting planned for tonight just sit at home and wait for Warren to call I guess. Well bye! <3 MUAH!!

2002-08-02T07:34:00.000-07:00

Well of another fun day at work, well to be honest it isn't all that bad, gets kinda busy at time but other then that it is pretty cool. I am not sure why but my blog doesn't seem to updating, maybe its just me. Talk to you all laters. <3

2002-08-01T15:50:00.000-07:00

Lisa is cool, she is my hero.

2002-08-01T07:51:00.000-07:00

Ok, I don't think I have been up this early in a long time. Off to my first day of work at Hobby Lobby. Yippie. I am so excited and so nervous at teh same time. Getting back into the working mind set is going to be hard the first couple of days, but once thats over with I should be ok. I need to stop yawning and get my butt in gear. I am dressed, thats a good thing but I still have to do my hair and put some face on. I will tell you how my first day went once I get home. I love you Hunny!!! Muah! <3

2002-07-31T21:45:00.000-07:00

<3<3<3 I love my friends!!

2002-07-31T21:44:00.000-07:00

There is something that has been bothering me all day. I turn on the TV to find out there was some sort of bombing in Israel. Ok fine whatever, but then they are tlaking about how the US is sending troops over to help and sending money and what not. Ok what the fuck? I mean really, the government is always talking about how we have no fucking money, well shit, you know why? cause we give it to every other fucking country. I mean ok there are how many homeless people in the US? How many of them are Vets? Hell we should be giving the money to people who actua;;y helped our country. Those are the people we should be helping and thanking, not all those other fucking fuck heads. Hell we should be putting all that money towards hunger in our country and towards all the pople in THIS country who don't have homes, and food to eat. It makes me mad when I hear on the news that senior citizens are having to go back to work because the damn government is spending there retirment money and there social security. Hell what is going to happen in 30 years when it comes time for me to retire, what are they going to say " oh sorry but we spent it"? I realized why it is I never ever watch the news anymore, it makes me so DAMN mad. I hate the fact that the US has to fucking bend over backwards to accomidate everyone else. I look in the paper to find a job and every other fucking one is Biligual, FUCK THAT SHIT!!! Learn fucking english. God damn ignorant people make me fucking mad. Learn english, get jobs and learn to deal. You moved here you fucking deal with it. Don't expect my happy ass to help you, you will get a swift kick in the ass from me. Oh and maybe a smile but thats it. Ok I can't type anymore, the more I sit here the more angry I get. <3

2002-07-31T17:07:00.000-07:00

I have lots of good stuff to tell you all, but of course right as I sit down to tell you my mother comes in to tell me dinner is ready. I guess my great news will have to wait until I am finished. Talk to you in a bit. <3 MUAH!

2002-07-30T16:05:00.000-07:00

I actually went out and did something today, go me. I woke up this morning and Lisa told me all about the KoRn concert she went to last night. She had such a good time, I am happy for her. Then after that was all said and done I talked to Warren for a bit before he headed off to work and went to the store for my Mom. She was trying to get dinner ready for tonight and she didn't quite have everything she needed. After that Gomer and I decided to go to the dollar store and get some picture frames, well they didn't have them there so we went to Wally World in stead, they had some cute ones. So Lisa decided on one and as we were heading towards the check out Gomer spotted a back pack she wanted for school, so I got it for her and she is going to pay me back laters, which is ok cause i know she is good for the money. On the way home we stopped at 7 eleven and got some Slurpee's they are the best. Now I am here about 3 hours later talking to you people out in cyber space. Lisa went with Mindel to go watch Brent race someones rice burner, she should be back laters. I think I might head over to Hobbly Lobby and get something to do. MUAH! <3

2002-07-29T20:30:00.000-07:00

Today was kinda boring today for me. Lisa left me early and about all I ventured out of the house to do was go to the bank for my Mom. Woopie! Anyways, I got two more care bears today so I was really happy. Now there should be one more that should get here tomorrow. Or at least I am hoping. Of course it is the one I wanted the most, and I is taking the longest to get here. Wish Bear, the greatest Care Bear. At least I think so. She is just so darn cute. I think that is all for now. Talk to you laters. MUAH! <3

2002-07-29T14:33:00.000-07:00

Ok another boirng day! Bye!

2002-07-28T23:58:00.000-07:00

I am so totally confused right now. I just got off the phone with Warren and I think I am more frustrated then from when I started the conversation. But anyways, I had fun today with Lisa. We went over to my Grandparents house with me and then it was off to 7-11. I love there Vanilla Coke slurpee's, Oh so good.:::Drools::: Then we came home for a bit, and I watched one of my favorite Melissa Joan Hart movies, Drive Me Crazy or whatever it is called. But yeah I love those kinda movies, you know the mushy, teeny booper, guy always gets the girl kind. I love happy endings though. Then I thought it woul be fun to take Lisa out driving. She had only been in a car once before in her whole entire life. So, we get to the parking lot and I let her get after it. You know get a feel for the car. The gas and break, which one is which. We only had a few minor glitches along the way like not being able to stay in her lane and the oh so popular hard breaking. You know you did it too when you were first learning. Oh the good ol' days, you know 4 years ago. LOL. But anywas that is all for me I am off to bed to dream of pink fuzzy cloulds and teddybears, or something like that. Something that doesn't invlove with rest of my life and what I am going to have to do with it. Dreams where I don't have to make descions about anything. The good kind, where you wake up with smiles on your face. Oh and another thing, Mom and Charlie took off for the night, you know what that means??? Sleeping in past 9 in the morning. Tomorrow I have to go and get an employe hand book for my job. Fun stuff right there, you know the kinda good reading that you skim through and sign, not knowing as to whether or not you signing you life away or not. Fun never the less, makes thing more interesting when you don't read them all the way through. He He!! At least I think so anyways. Ok good night! Sweet Dreams to all. <3

2002-07-27T22:17:00.000-07:00

I am finally home, I went to the Moose tonight and I had a few drinks with my Mom and Gramma and Grampa. It was fun, you wouldn't believe some of hte people down there. Dirty old men and drunks. But it is really fun to watch. I think. Then I had a bad experience with one old man, but I am not going to get into that right now. Anyways, I am feeling kinda tipsy so I think it is bed for me. MUAH!!! I love you Hunny! <3

2002-07-27T09:30:00.000-07:00

I got the best news this morning. The place that i went to interveiw with hired me today. I start on Thursday the 1st. I am so excited. The pay is ok, but hell it gets me out of the house for a few hours a day. I can't wait. That means money for me. Yippiie!!!! I don't have a lot of anything planned for today I think I might just kinda jell out. Well I am done now, thought that I would share. <3

2002-07-26T21:33:00.000-07:00

I have been in a lot of pain today, and its put me in a real bad mood. I have my wisdom teeth comming in and they are pressing against my other teeth. OWIE!!! Like big time. Then it was like nothing wanted to go my way, it just isnt fair. I think I am going to head off to bed and try and get some sleep. Night Night all. <3

2002-07-25T10:54:00.000-07:00

Fa la la la la. La la la la!

P.S. Lisa Rocks!

2002-07-25T10:38:00.000-07:00

So far today I haven't done a whole lot of anything. I woke up at about 8:15 to take my dog Barney to the vet, he was not liking me to much at all. But once that was all said and over with he was ok. I came home and have proceeded to do nothing. Well, my interveiw went really well yesterday, I am pretty much hired. They have to call me back for a second interveiw, so any day now I will be back to a working girl. I need to bad, I can't sitting around the house anymore, it drives me nuts. That and there are so many things I want to buy for myself. I kinda made a mistake last night with my site, in case you were wondering thats why the layout is different. But I like this one better. Lisa is going to help me fix it later and put everything back up that I had to take down. But I think that is all for now, not a lot else going on today. Except I am meeting my Grandparents to help them with something this afternoon. I love them they are just so darn cute, I want to be just like them when I get older. Ok, I love you hunny!!! MUAH!!!! <3 <3 <3

2002-07-24T21:53:00.000-07:00

<3<3<3<3

2002-07-24T21:51:00.000-07:00

La La La

2002-07-24T21:41:00.000-07:00

Lisa's Birthday Was GREAT!!!! Love you GOMER!!!! MUAH<3

2002-07-24T15:04:00.000-07:00

Well i took this quiz thing that I got form Chicken Nuggets site and go me I am in the 60's. Neato Cheato huh?

Which era in time are you?
Anyways, off to go get ready for dinner, and why don't all ya'll go and buy Lisa something for her birthdday off her Wish List. Bye, and I love you hunny. MUAH. <3