I know it has been forever. I just never ever seem to have anything to say anymore. I know my life is boring and what can I say thats just me.

I talked to Gomer tonight and for some reason talking to her always makes me feel so much better. Then I get online and I just got done reading her blog, for some reason reading hers makes me feel somewhat better. It is like I am not the only one in the world that has problems. I know that she has a lot to deal with here lately and that she is dealing with it alone. Kinda like what I am going through. I never ever realized how much I depended on her when I lived at home. She was like my out let to everything that was going wrong and to everything that was going right. She is my walking diary. As crazy as it sounds it is true. I think that there is not one day in my life that she doesn't have some kinda memory of. I think I have the same for her. I can remember almost every convo we have ever shared. Most of our convos took place on the edge of my bed or in her room. I guess I took a lot of things for granted when I lived at home.

Here lately more and more I am realizing what makes me in happy in life and what things I can do without. I know that when I am home I am happy. But when I am here I am sad. I know that when I am just in Greeley I am happy. Being here I have grown up a lot and I have realized a lot about myself. I have had come face to face with myself on a daily basis and sometimes I don't always like what I see. I working hard at trying to change that. am not just talking about the outside either. I am talking about the inside. I realized how shallow I can be and how much of a push over I can be. I know that since moving here I have become a stronger person and come to realize who my real friends are.

I know that this is more then likely no sence and is just rambling but these are things that I have needed to get off my chest. Things that I have been thinking about for a while and just haven't had the heart to say. Here the last week or so lots has been going on with my life and it has been really hard for me to deal with. I have had money problems, relationship problems and life problems all in one. I have had a lot on my plate and have found it really hard to swallow it all. I have been doubting getting married and whether or not what I have found if true love. I have come to the conclusion that once I move back to Greeley things will be much better. I need to get out of this damn town and go back to my smelly cow town. As crazy as it sounds I miss the smell. I miss the way it smells when it is warm outside, like a combination or wild flowers and corn plants. I know that sounds just awful but it is the smell of home. Or the way my Mom smells when she puts on too much perfume. Or how Grampa smells of old spice and tabacco. Stupid things like that I miss so much. Or even going into Lisa's room first thing in the morning and jumping on her bed to make her wake up. Or just going into her room and asking her whats shes doing. Even though I know ten times out of ten it's nothing. Just bugging her was always fun. I know now I am just rambling and I better be getting to bed. MUAH!!! <3