Happy Turkey Day!!! I went and did the normal thing like eat dinner and what not. It was fun but full of stress. It is like no one is Warren's family knows how to watch there kids. I think I said the word "No" a million and a half times today. "No get down from there." "No don't do that." WATCH YOUR DAMN KIDS PEOPLE!! IT IS NOT THAT DAMN HARD!! I swear if and when I one day have kids I am not going to be like that. Pawn my kids off onto people and let them take care of them. I am going to be the one that raises my kids and not have my kids refer to Gramma and Mama.

I tried to call my Dad today but work wasn't open. So I tryed calling his house. I talked to him for about 5 minutes and then he told me he had to go. It was like he didn't want to make the time for me. Or just didn't want to talk to me. I swear one of these days I am just going to give up. You know I can look at other people and say " wish I had that kind of relationship with my father." But then again if I did would I be the same person that I am? Or would I be like Warren's sister? " Daddy!" "Daddy can I get this?" ( and then bats eyes ) I don't know it makes me sick to see people like that, like it is some kind of wrong but yet I wish it was me. I don't know maybe it is just me. I mean I have a Mom that loves me more then life itself and Grandparents that I know would do anything for me. But yet somehow I feel like there should be something else in my life and someone else should be included. I guess it is just jealousy at everyone else that actually has relationships with there fathers. I guess I should just give up but you know I would like my one day family to know where they came from and where I came from.

Like I don't even know anything about my Dad's side of the family I know Gramma Horn, Aunt Suzie, and Cousin Billy. But that is pretty much it. Gramma Horn isn't doing all that well and I would love to see her one more tiem before she dies. You know I blame myself sometimes for not having a good relationship with her but she has never really tried either. Then there is Aunt Suzie who ahs been married I don't know how many times. Then there is Cousin Billy, Aunt Suzie's son. He has been in and out of jail I don't know how many times and has had just as many kids, with different women, that Aunt Suzie has been married. My family at least on one side is fucked up. I hate to say it but it is.

Well better get going. Hope everyone had a great Turkey Day. I know mine was nice. Wish like no other I could have been home though. MUAH! <3

Today was a long ass day for me. It seems like I got nothing done but yet I got a lot done. I went over and watched lil Austin for about 3 hours and let me tell you a 2 year old will wear you out. Then I went to the store to get the yams to make for Thanks Giving. Oh and by the way today and tomorrow are my Gramma and Grampa's Birthdays. I so wish I was home. I would love more then anything to give them a hug and kiss. I can't wait to be home for Christmas. I am getting so excited. The only bad thing is it is going to be at my Aunt's this year. She has a dinky ass house and to top it all off the other Grandparents are going to be there. It seems like Gramma Kaye never has anything nice to say. I am not looking forward to that. And I was really hoping that my Mom would be making dinner. She is such a good cook. I guess it just doesn't seem like Christmas if Mom is cooking. I dunno I guess I am just missing everything about home. Like the way you wake up early on Christmas morning to see what is in your stocking. Or how it smells with the turkey cooking early in the morning. I love that smell. Oh and then when everyone wakes up you wait for Gramma and Grampa to come over and then we all open presents. That was alway the best. I guess it is just going to have to be different this year without Gramma and Grampa there. I was hoping that it would be like it always was and Warren would get to see what my family is like on Christmas. I guess that is just going to have to wait for another year. I haven't been able to get into the Christmas mood this year. It seems like there is too much else to be thinking about and too much else to be spending money on. I mean don't get me wrong I love buying Christmas gifts and wathcing people's faces as they open them. I think that is the greatest part. I always in some way shape or form always wish that there was more I could do for people. Like I am not doing enough. I dunno maybe it is just me. I am counting down to come home. I just wish that I could stay longer. It is going to be weird without Mindy and Markie there this year. I think this will be the first year in a long time that we haven't been able to spend the day together. I don't have much more else to talk about. I will think of more later. MUAH! <3